Watershed

In my last couple of blog entries, I wrote of the future and milestones planned. I deeply and honestly believe in the importance of four "elements" to achieving our most real dreams. As I have noted before, nothing replaces a clear vision, deep passion, hard work and purposeful flexibility. We need to be like a river flowing home.

That all being said, today's blog is a bit of a watershed moment for me. It is about a look back, before we return our gaze to the present and the future.

I do not believe that it is healthy to dwell on the past. It no longer exists. All that exists is what we take from it, and that is a matter of perspective. Our past is a mine from which we can discover rock or gem, all depending upon that for which we are looking. If we wish to validate our action or inaction in any area, we can find reasons from our past. That is not to minimize the pain that all of us have experienced, to one degree or another, in our past. It is to say that it is about what lessons we learn from those moments of trial and triumph.

And so, here I am, looking back at 2009 and, indeed, the last decade. I am pondering all of the messages of authenticity I hear these days. It is really becoming quite the "hot topic"... being ourselves and moving beyond the mask. Truthfully, I agree with this. We, far too often, live lives of facade, showing what we think is what our corners of the world expect. We wear roles like robes. Indeed, there is value in being able to "switch gears" and put on our "game face". There is also, and probably even more, value in being true to who we are, when we are, where we are.

What do I mean?

I do not mean that we should be living our "Dr. Phil" moments for all the world to see. I believe we need not confess to any other but our Creator. We can confide in friends, ask for forgiveness from those we have hurt, but confession is not something for public display. That is my core belief. Sharing our story to inspire is one thing, but confessing another.

Either way, I digress.

What I do mean can best be demonstrated by my own look back.

2009 was a year of introspection and deeper learning for me. That is not to say that I was locked away and disconnected from the world. I had one very busy and productive year. It does mean that I took time to think upon my life, especially this past decade. There were trials to question, lessons to learn.

It was not easy. In many ways, it required me to spend time with me, alone... a scary proposition for many of us.

In 2008, a marriage in which I had placed all of my trust, ended. I have spent much of my adult life somehow looking for "love". Whatever the reason, I have always believed that I could take on the world and needed nothing other than one soul in which I could find my solace, my sanctuary. After years of looking, I thought I had found that, but in 2008, it ended. It did not end with a bang or with conflict and contention... it ended with both of us wondering what had "happened".

Personally, I spent considerable time questioning my faith and my trust of my own instincts and intuition. I had my moments of real doubt about my ability to feel what I feel... and know it to be true. I will not lie. It hurt. It hurt alot. My heart felt, at times, like a hand had taken hold and was squeezing the life out of it. It confused me. I had believed in this marriage. I was wrong. It said to me that I could not trust my very soul.

Nonsense.

Looking back on these past 10 years, I realize how much I had moved away from my core and who I was and am, at a deeper level. As a child and youth, I believed in what my cousin and I called being "tribal"... connected, understanding that there really was more than the eye can see. I believed in love, a deeper love, a royal love, a love that is of true magic... not fairy tale, but authentic magic, miracle, honour, and more.

Somewhere, along the way, I became much more practical and pragmatic. I would rationalize and convince... and I can be very convincing. I would ignore any signs of incompatibility in order to see beyond and "understand" that all things are possible.

Actually, I believe all things are possible, if they are right.

I do NOT believe that the "universe" answers our every call, and that it is some wonderful order taker. I do believe that, if we choose our cause and our passion carefully and deeply, all Heaven will support it.

This is what I forgot!

I started forgetting it as a young man who had "parenthood" of sorts placed upon him, who was expected to be responsible and take care of things. That is not about blame. It is what it is. I started to forget it when I saw, around me, that many of those in my life were compromising and settling. I started to forget by buying in...

I am opting out of that purchase.

My spirit, my soul, tells me, this day, that we all need to claim our own independence day. Today is mine.

Independence from what?

Not from other people. We are interdependent, and I am glad.

Independence from the world of false expectations.

As I approach my 50th birthday, I have received the greatest gift of all... my truth. I believe that there is absolute truth. guiding who we are together. I also believe that we have our own truths, of who we are, and who we are to serve and love.

I am Barry Lewis Green... bold and bounteous, loving tornado. I am larger than life. I am life. I am unconstrained as the wind and water. I have a gentle, loving center. I think BIG. I love. I love, I love. I am tribal, a believer in magic, dreams, romance, dance, song, joy and service. I believe that being human is a noble calling. To be human is to be noble... when we debase ourselves, we are not living truly human. I believe in honour. I am a world citizen and a follower of Baha'u''llah (www.bahaullah.com and www.bahai.org).

I believe that followership is as important as leadership and I practice both. I am a student and teacher. I am a friend, who makes mistakes but always intends the best. I am the Unity Guy. I believe unity is created in diversity, and appreciation of both. I still believe in "her" wherever she is. I no longer "look" for her. I look for me. I have heard the voice inside that says "as you find you, she will find you".

I believe.

Now, will I have more lessons to learn? I sure hope so. Still, this lesson is seminal for me. It is watershed. It took much to get to this place... including a willingness to stare the monster in the maw... to look at my fears as well as my strengths. The result? In many ways, I have returned home. I will continue to grow and change, but now realize, fully realize, that serving the world and serving yourself are not mutually exclusive... to love your neighbour as you love yourself implies that we need to love BOTH. I do and I will.

And so, I thank my past relationships... personal and professional. They, in unison, have brought me home. Relationships in love and work, in which I placed my entire being, despite my soul saying "no"... they all have brought me to this place.

As I close, I remember two things...

MOST importantly for me, Baha'u'llah said in one of the Hidden Words... O SON OF MAN! Veiled in My immemorial being and in the ancient eternity of My essence, I knew My love for thee; therefore I created thee, have engraved on thee Mine image and revealed to thee My beauty.

I lovingly suggest you say these words but replace "thee" with your name, and feel the effect.

Secondly,

Baby Dinosaur in the 90's show DINOSAURS said "I'm the baby, gotta love me!"

Love yourself as you were created friends. Learn from what has been sent you in the past. See all that you have experienced as teachers, and learn. Now, you live.

I leave you with a quote I said in a workshop several years back...

"All that we have been and all that we will be are as nothing compared to who we are today/"

Be it.

Love, honour and unity friends...

Barry